the restraining order collective Tales of beast darling.
i know i am in so much trouble, i have this condition of a strong mind and a delicious heart, i think my pussy has fun fumes. if only the that was ok, and normal. Jokingly, I often tie my shoes together so I can fall, no danger band aids because its a fantasy. love, love, love with abandon. i like how you placed those cookies way out of reach. They're still there, though. 01/31/11 1:00am
| In 1988 i created a snuff film. the girl was in a ditch we loved to call the "big sink" she was carried in a wagon. the culprit had tunnel vision and when breaking eggs had to vacate the premises for fear of spanking. go to sleep, shut your eyes, dream about things you can never know- yet you do know them, if they happened in dreams then they actually happened. right now i am too weak to create art. i can only muster this, but i really want to sketch. i want to tape things together and illustrate so i can escape. if i filmed myself getting ready in the morning would it be considered a mondo film? i take off my clothes and i take down my hair... i feebly brush my teeth and cling to sanity, i need my pills. i never restrain myself and that i resent this. i step on my scale, i note that i feel atrophic and its makes me hateful. 166lbs. Months ago I was 158lbs... that is my lightest. Now i convince myself that all i need to do is control myself, but my mind always races and eludes me. i get the most horrible thoughts when jeff visits. i dont have the nerve to tell him to stay away because i have never been good at that. i have never the courage of being alone. the dream i had started with my menses. he was there of 12 years ago and we were anxiously waiting, the stage was set, the mother disapproved. low class. the 18th and this was after 3yrs abstinence we were able to lay a blanket where we wanted to. it was eventually neglected and i was angered in the dream. so since i dreamed this, it happened in a way? the specter that muses you is not real but oh so brilliantly and inspiringly real. let the live in your mind, stay aloof in reality, this is fool proof. -11//25/10 |
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There was a feral girl, she had no way of knowing. she was the beast darling, a beauty born from mythos. her hair was cropped and she was reminiscent of woodland creature. captivation to all those around, they wanted her for their own. a wounded bird that would adorn their home. a costly conversation piece. a vacant eyed wonder of rapt aloofness. how can anyone truly understand, comprehend or adore this feral child who know one will ever understand? like births it happens every day.then the day came when she was no longer novel. she was old and her hair was short. so, what now? she thinks, can't say since she is MUTE. i am to be beaten for vomiting and told to keep quiet. i am in need of a good emotional brutalization. So she waits. she sits so quiet and deathly still under the glare of a television's glow. the price is right ebbz in ambivalent nausea. TELL HER WHAT SHE'S WON, BOB! |
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before the day is through, make sure to call a stranger and ask them how they've slept. 11/30/10 |